I thank everyone who came out to celebrate my birthday this past weekend. It was too much fun and unfortunately I may not have vivid memories of the entire evening because of the parade of drinks that entered my body. Onto the serious stuff. If you don't like to think about mortality nor the serious side thoughts then stop here, otherwise proceed with caution as I've given you fair warning.
Birthdays and New Year's are probably the only two days that one takes a step back to review immediate history and to set new goals or ambitions for the next year. For me I'm reminded of a history that goes beyond the most recent year. Even though I'm now in my thirties I think about my mortality because I'm simply getting older -- we start dying from the day we're born. The latter part of this blog entry title is "further away?" Over 11 years ago I faced the closest to ever personally dying and every birthday I think about that moment -- that day and the person who did die that day in my arms. Coincidentally I was vividly reminded of that day when I watched Casino Royale yesterday -- day of my birthday -- because one of the key scenes stimulated a flashback.
I know I cannot give it the full justice in this blog. The full details of the story will be shared in a better context someday. In a foreign country over a decade ago I traveled with friends and on one of most fun filled days it turned dramatic and tragic in a matter of minutes. It's too difficult for me to write about the events but what I'm reminded of on my birthday is that I gave up on my life and remember looking up to the heavens and accepting my fate, but it was immediately after giving up that I was saved miraculously.
Yesterday I grappled with my mortality once again. Yes I'm older and one day closer to death, but have I gotten to far away from that near death that I'm no longer living and not appreciating life? It would be easy to compare all tough moments in life to that so I can put things in perspective but more than just doing that, it makes me value many things that much more. I think about my sins, the mistakes I've made and the things that I did not do. There's always regret and I have a lot this past week. I can't change history nor revise it but what I can do is learn from my mistakes, reevaluate my values and refocus on my personal vision and live every fucking day as if it was my last. I was given a second chance at life and it's been 11 years since THAT moment in time. My life is far from perfect and I will not achieve perfection but more important than being perfect is living to the fullest. My birthdays are a great reminder that it's better to have lived than not have lived at all. I hope I remind myself every morning when I wake up.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment